[l13eaw]

Just heard of this only last week but I suspect that my son has this. It is linked with autism and I just thought this was just part of it. When I ask him to do something he pretty much always shouts/screams no even before I finish the sentence. Not that it makes any difference to my life particularly but I thought I might get an appointment to see the paediatrician to see what he says. If nothing else to just make the school aware that the actual asking something of him is/can be stressing him. The thing is I ask he says no but does it anyway its almost like a routine that we have to go through the no bit before we get anywhere. Do you get this? I thought it might be a phase but if it is its stuck around for a year or so. I'm trying to rack my brains to think of a way of asking him to do somthing without saying Can you or is this just being a bit daft?

XX Liz

Link for info of what I am on about lol http://www.nas.org.u...?d=1581&a=17634

[Vicky]

No Liz you're not being daft ! When Sam was going through the diagnosis process PDA was mentioned more than once . Then he got the official diagnosis of autism and the PDA was forgotten about ...well by them but not by us at home ! Sam hits all the criteria but as it always is ... we see the worst of it . He " presents" well at school or in any other setting but if we ask him to do anything at home or use some parental authority with him he really blows ! I remember when PDA was discussed with Sam that they told us it could be very hard on the parents because it might only be displayed at home . Sam likes to control things , he likes to think he rules the roost here at home and even the most innocent of requests to him to do something is met with " make me ! " . It's like for example ....." Sam , can you let the dog out of the back door ? " Then his reply will be " Make me " So i'm saying " Just open the door and let him out please , you're stood right near it ! " .
That sounds like typical teenager or maybe typical teenager with autism but every request we ask of Sam is challenged by him which gets exhausting at times and just can't be either of the above ! When he gets into one of his high states of anxiety or " kick offs " as we call them at home, he will tell us " I say what happens- not you ! " .
For an easy life we should tiptoe around Sam and try not to upset him but in the grand scheme of things we won't be helping him much by doing that , we are his parents and love him and need him to accept that requests will be made of him , some easy , some hard. Although we will always be there for him we cannot let him think that he can just throw his weight around and everyone will back down , we would be really setting him up for a fall !
In a nutshell Liz and finally i've got to the conclusion of all my jabber .... I think you should continue with the " Can you's " and not try to " sugar coat " them . Be the boss ! There's lots worse than you out there that he's going to have to come into contact with someday !
If you need a chat , or a rant , or a rant at me for that matter because of what i've just typed you know where i am

Vicky x

[bubble]

PDA was first mentioned by Prof Elizabeth Newson, we attended her clinic many years ago now, they gave me a ton of info and that was one of the conditions on her circle.
I haven't looked at the NAS stuff but I know my boys ruled out of this dx, must look it out again maybe youngest is now older and could be ruled back in lol.
There are so many crossovers and blurred lines though.
Bubble

[l13eaw]

Thanks for the thoughts yes Vicky you are right I think I just needed someone to say carry on as normal, I'm not one to let him get away with it (that's not the right term but can't think of a better one at the moment). As it happens he has been a bit better over the last couple of days and the outright no has turned into questioning but still does it to a lessor extent or he has changed the refusal to I hate it or the one that makes me chuckle is "No I don't think so" and at least he isn't shouting it in a very loud angry way. Like you say, I don't think he does this at school he saves it for me (although I know that is not really what is going on) but it seems that way. It's the same things like getting off the Wii or DS and we all know we can pause these contraptions but he will pretty much blow one, and I suppose at the heart of it I need to be way more authoratitve about the usage of these things but they also have their advantages in that his younger brother gets attention while he is playing on these things. Like reading if eldest is not otherwise occupied he will sit next to youngest and answer every question before youngest gets chance which inevitably makes me send him to his room. He has also taken to sneaking out of his bedroom and getting his ds to take to bed and play with under covers which I am wise to and now I hide lol. I think also because Dad is working late at the moment since before Christmas I think I am just a bit apathetic about he sole resposibility for school runs, bedtime homework etc so probably some of this is my fault for not having ridgid routines. But then I find ridgidity sometimes is counter productive in his case. I'm going to give this PDA some thought and then if I feel I need a bit of direction with it get in to see the Paediatrician. It has certianly made me think diferently about things and actually I think things have got a bit better as a result.

But in the grand scheme of things I know I am really lucky so this is not a poor me situation. More of a Oh god why have I been so silly not getting to the bottom of it before.

Bubble yes it is the crossovers and blurred lines I am having difficulty with......I suppose in a way autism is the diagnosis and covers all areas but perhaps that is also unhelpful in tailoring eductaion for their specific needs. I doubt it will make any difference to his schooling whether this is added to his diagnosis or not as his behaviours are at home I suppose it is a case of should I tolerate it or clamp down on it. I'm gonna go with read a bit more about it and and adjust my behaviour accordingly and see if that works.

I'll update. XX Liz

Thanks for your thoughts really helpful. XX Liz